Humor

Did you know laughter really IS the best medicine? Reduces tension, boosts immune system, 40% less chance of heart attack & no side effects!!!  Try watching “Funniest Home Videos” instead of the news…you’ll feel so much better.

 

Church Bulletin Bloopers…

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in Church Services…

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist.  Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The sermon this morning:  “Jesus Walks on the Water”.  The sermon tonight:  “Searching  for Jesus.”

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale…It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Don’t forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.  They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions.  She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of  Pastor Jack’s sermons.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, “What is Hell?”  Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church.  Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.  All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.  Please use the back door.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Why didn’t Noah ever go fishing?      He only had 2 worms.

How do we know they played cards on the Ark?     Because Noah sat on the deck.

What did Adam say when his children asked him why they don’t live in Eden any more?     Your mother ate us out of house and home.

The Rev. Billy Graham tells of a time early in his career when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon.  Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was.  When the boy told him, the Rev. Graham thanked him and said, “If you’ll come to the Baptist church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven.”   “I don’t think I’ll be there,” the boy said. “You don’t even know your way to the post office.”

You’re drinking too much coffee when:     You ski uphill.  You answer the door before people knock.  You can outlast the Energizer bunny.  You lick your coffee pot clean.  Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.  You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”

 

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